I so disagree with this...

This is a small and upcoming search engine. Even though I'm the hugest fan of Google, I usually don't neglect new search engines. So, I just give them a try. If only to size them up against Google and feel satisfied that GOOG is still the king.
But this new search engine is just wrong.
According to the guys at Jobacle.com

Webmasters or Web site owners can control the position of their listings in the directory by bidding high. The more you're willing to pay - the higher on the search engine you'll appear. The top 10 listings are shown on the homepage, while the top 20 listings are shown on the top links page.

This absolutely kills the democratization of the Internet that Google tries to do.

NMUN, SIDS, Project PEACE and other obscure acronyms I

Last week was spring break. I was not lying on a beach somewhere sipping margaritas. Nor was I in some obscure library/bookstore. Nor was I doing my homework. I attended the NMUN, which for the uninitiated stands for National Model United Nations. It is the biggest competition of its size. And the whole thing was totally awesome.
I might do this in three episodes I guess.
The bus ride is almost uneventful. We check in our rooms in Sheraton. Oh, and I almost forgot to mention, I pass the exact spot where I had called GTSA before embarking on this journey. So even if we're technically incommunicado, the ball is in my court to return her call. So, I actually call to tell her of the reason for calling her and about the competition. I know, lame.

Bloody Sunday:
But the child who is born on the Sabbath Day
Is bonny and blithe and good and gay.

We find that unlike every year, the opening ceremony is going to be on the second day instead of the first. And that's supposed to make sense. Oh and some Presidential hopeful called Hillary Clinton usurps the room where our committee is supposed to meet. So we're transferred to Hilton... by that I mean, we must walk two blocks down the road to Hilton.
So we had a pretty rough start as far as the first sessions go.
Turns out, I'm going to be the first speaker of the day. Knowing this... I begin to hyperventilate.
I churn out some canned speech and think that I can remember it all and go there in front of everybody without my notes. Only to forget most of what I have to say. I remember the beginning and an excellent finishing line. And blob through the rest.

Monday Night Raw
{Monday's child is fair of face.}

We were supposed to have the opening ceremony on this day. I discovered that our blankets are troublingly staticky. And throughout the day, whatever things I touched, I'd get a nasty shock. The opening ceremony was nice but very short. The wait and security check outside the UN was longer than the ceremony itself and so it kind of pissed some people off.
At the committee, it was the second day and most people still didn't know where Mauritius [which we(my partner and I) were representing] was or much else about it. I tried to get the Small Island Developing States (SIDS) together, so that there might be some group that Mauritius could be leading. And SIDS are spread throughout the globe so that could be a significant plus point.
So, I first tried Cuba. Now Cuba as we all know, has this very 'unique political structure' and they were unwilling to join us at all. Pffft.
Then I found and tried Jamaica. Jamaica was a double delegation and both the girls had very genuine concerns. Let me explain: at any competitive MUN session there are two types of people- the players and the 'lost sheep' (I know, we're kind of mean about it). The players totally know what to do and are very strategic (aka sneaky). The 'lost sheep' are the people who are so awed at even coming to New York, the UN, Sheraton and all that glitz that they have no clue whatsoever to do. Let me make it clear that we're not either of these. We are here to win, but we refuse to be sneaky.
The delegates from Jamaica (if you remember that's about whom I was talking about) were however, neither of these two groups and they did not seem to want to win either. Their questions were well thought out... kind of a critical look at the whole process. And it was one of the delegates who kind of dominated the whole conversation too. So as any girl who actually portrays critical thinking ability would; she piqued my interest (aka I had a crush on her).
But my agenda wasn't working. I couldn't find Bahamas or Costa Rica that day and the idea of bringing SIDS together was a flop.
This was a brief session and it was over before we could make any more progress. It was 11 pm at night.
However the night was far from over.
On Sunday, most people had apparently made a lot of noise. Due to which the hotel management decided to provide an entire hall downstairs for people to socialize or to relax.
BAD IDEA MUCH?
Imagine a hall full of teenagers from all over the world. Yeah.
I went there initially to check whether the Jamaican delegate would show up. Once down there, I meet my partner. We then sit together and he brings out beer and pours it in a cup for me. To appear polite, I accept and slowly sip it. I look around, she is nowhere to be seen. The night has just begun, hasn't it.
An Italian/German/English birthday song later, more alcohol is brought down. A group of people (including my partner) start playing flip-cup. And people are chugging beer all over the hall.
I leave the place after I hear the director coming down and announcing "Delegates, please do not have sex on the floor".

This is Jon Stewart's take on MUN. Note this is the MUN I was part of too. His studio was just a couple of blocks away from our hotel. Darn, I should've gone there.



Coming next:
Meltdown Tuesday:
Where, I come up with a plan to bring the whole committee together
And Mauritius is on the lips of every person.
And more in the next episode- "Meltdown Tuesday".

Budday.

March 12 was the "Happy" birthday. I had two midterms and a Model UN simulation that same day. It was destined not to be good from the very beginning.

March 11, 10:30 p.m- I return from work, eat dinner, settle down to revise.
March 11, 11:00 p.m- I'm sleeping on the open text book, face down.
March 12, 12:00 midnight-
phone rings.
I jerk awake. Who could it be at this time? Already feeling stupid for having slept, I pick up my phone.
"Happy Birthday" says an exuberant voice.
"Thanks" I said listlessly, still unable to put a finger on whose voice it is.
I'm about to ask who this is. But she seemed to know me well, and it would seem so rude to ask.
"Were you sleeping?" she asked.
"Oh, not at all." I said, feeling like a jerk.
"It is your birthday today isn't it?" she asks.
"Oh, yeah, it is".
Only then I get it. It is her.
"Hey! thanks for calling." I said, a little more excitedly.
She seems relieved to discern a return of the usual vigor in my voice... I assume.
"I just want you to know that even though we are not talking anymore, you can still call me whenever you like." she said.
"Um, okay, sure, same goes for you too." I say.
"So, what are you doing for your birthday? she asked.
"Um, nothing much. Having two midterms. That's about it." I whined.
"Aww. Really, you'll do fine."
"Have a great year ahead." She said.
"Yeah, sure, I'll try."

Nothing better happened beyond that, except I discovered that it's extreme fun to repeat "happy birthday" to people who wish me. Their face and confusion is priceless.

Oh and the midterms sucked.

Persistence

Found this here as an example of motivational poster parody. Pretty cool.

By the way, I have two midterms, my birthday and a four hour grilling UN simulation tomorrow, and I'm looking at de-motivational posters.

Are you reading between the lines like I am?

Being Brought to Account

I try as hard as possible to fit into the whole finance subculture. Most of the times, I just fail miserably.
Like two weeks ago we were in Manhattan and I was in charge of finding Fulton Avenue. En route, I would look at the street names and try to remember them. We passed “wall street”. And I just grinned—imagining a street with walls on both sides and no …. wait wasn’t that the Wall Street? And I asked my friend who was driving, whether that was the Wall Street. He said it was. Ooops.
The other day, my Money and Banking Prof was talking of financial firms. He looked at me and asked.
“Tell me what you know about Fannie May”
“They make good chocolates.” I said.
He was stunned and did not ask me anything else. I will make the perfect dreamy financial analyst.

Just had to share this one.

Even though I'm no longer in a long distance relationship. This one's just too true to be ignored. This is from my other favorite web-comic. PhD- piled higher and deeper

I just uncovered this piece from one of my earliest writing. I think I wrote it about two years ago.
Now, I'd have found myself to be totally hoity-toity.

Nobody wants having what is good for them- Jane Austen

What You Want is Within You

Musk is a familiar perfume. Many of us might even know from where it is obtained- a gland of the musk deer. The search for this enchanting essence has almost driven this animal into extinction. But the argument of whether or not we should continue hunting these animals is not the purpose of this blog.

A musk deer, not knowing the origin of musk, went about searching for it. He forgot hunger, thirst and sleep in search for the source of smell he adored but could not yet attain. Traversing rivers, climbing mountains wandering through the forests, he went about searching for the origin of the perfume.

Weeks passed by, the musk deer still hadn’t found the source. Then at a distance, he noticed a group of hunters. He quickly turned around and jumped behind some bushes, unaware that there was a sharp, jagged stone just behind them. He landed straight on the rock and slit his belly. As he lay there dying, he finally discovered the source of the bitter perfume. What he sought was within himself.

Things that you desperately seek cannot be found anywhere else. Nor can anyone tell you what and where you should seek. Do not misunderstand, I’m not talking about material things. There are things far more important and elusive than physical objects that serve us and give us pleasure.

For instance, I know many people who know they can climb higher in their careers and life if they can master the art of public speaking. They buy books, CD’s, go on seminars. In other words, do everything that does not actually include talking in front of people. They fail to look into themselves, that’s where the changes need to be made, and that’s where their progress is to be evaluated

So today, look into yourself. That’s one situation, place that you can totally change. And the happy news is you must change it.

A peacock that rests on its feathers is just another turkey- Dolly Parton

Schmooze Train-ing

I work in a campus that is about 20 minutes away from the one I study in. I usually take the train from one to the other. Trains are the loveliest modes of transportation in the universe just because of the fact that they contain people from all stations in life (pun intended). For example, once I sat next to a person who was humming to himself and writing music. I didn't talk to him but it made me very happy to know that people like that exist, outside of the movies.
And the station I aboard from is extremely pretty (it's Pleasantville after all). There is a waiting-room upstairs with bright metal chairs, that are intricately carved to look like regular furniture. I mean a sofa, a small coffee table, and a book lying upside-down- all metal- it's hard and cold on your bottom if you try to sit on it when it's three degrees outside, but well it's pleasing to the eye.
Anyway, I was standing in this waiting-room when a well-dressed black man comes up to me and asks which track the train going to New York City arrived on. I point it out to him with my right thumb. He then asks the time the train would arrive. 4:43 I reply (and it does, each and every time, except during this snowstorm).
We drift apart and we wait.
When it's 4:40, I climb down the stairs and stand on the platform. He comes and stands next to me.
"Are you in high-school?" He asks.
"No, college" I say.
"Really, what are you majoring in?"
"Uh, finance"
"Get outta here. Really?"
Smiling. "Well. Yeah."
"I myself work in a small financial firm in Manhattan."
"Wow." (for the Manhattan part, not the 'small financial firm')
"Yeah, so, what is your goal?"
There it was the golden, unrelenting question. But this time I couldn't just shrug like I do whenever my dad asks me the same question. I had to deliver pithy sentences with ideas and motivation crammed in so that it was as hard as constipated goat-droppings. The trouble is I never had any goal. Ever. Not for 10 years hence. Not for tomorrow. Not for tonight's dinner. I don't even wanna be in finance. Indeed, taking my recent activities into account, you'd think that I'm more interested in the stalk-market.
"Well, in the long run, I'd like to do CFA and handle personal portfolios for clients. My short-term goal is to get the feel for corporate finance and figure how they work." I said, shocking even me. Trouble was I didn't even know what CFA stood for, I just remember some guy talking about it. Times like this, I wish I had a Blackberry, just so that I could check Wikipedia on the go.
Thankfully, he seems pleased with the answer and starts talking about his own work and firm. Something to do with retirement plans, 401-K's and all that good stuff.
By this time, the train arrives and we sit together. He opens his briefcase and gives me his card, tells me that they hire interns if I ever thought of doing an internship. Then he shows me his firm's brochure. Now, listening I can do. That's my core-competency. And so I listened.
My station arrived and I got off. Reeling under the pressure of having met a person who actually worked on Wall Street.
Ah... public transport.

It Being V-Day and all.

While everything appeared calm on the surface of this blog for a couple of days. Heated discussions were going on in the underbelly. Choice of words, intentions, revenge, were being talked of.
Yes, exalted readership, the saga of "The Girl Three-States-Away" continues. Hopefully, this is the season finale.
Anyway, on the abovelinked post, She posted a comment. Now her very arrival on this blog is material enough for a post. I understand, it's got something to do with bookmarks.

This is what she commented "youre SO wrong. and its really unfair the way youve twisted this in your sorry favor. you refuse to think of how much I would miss our entretiens. you DELETE me from everything. that was a sweet thing to do. i would not have even stumbled on to this page if it wrent for my Periodical Review of Bookmarks. the nerve."
I'm fully aware that having her comments posted on the main blog like this is like parading her around. Since, I've been called flawed, this post shall not be yet another rant. I'll instead focus on the ultimate good times we had together and tell you why cherish her. Even though, she may never read it, this is my public apology. And the final bouquet. Sothere style.

Dear GTSA;
You think I don't miss you? Whom am I going to tell all the fascinating things to, which others don't give a crap for?
You were there for me in those darkest of dark hours. Now when I'm out in the sunshine (winter sunshine... our own little private joke) I don't have anyone to share it with.
Don't be hard on yourself that all this went horribly wrong. Like that cliche, we were never made for each other- even though I always believed that one makes themselves for the other, I guess it's only this far that we can go.
You really were special.
I'll think of you often, and always with tenderness.
I'll miss you always.

(I hope you manage to) love,
Nitin

P.S: Relationships are to use your own analogy, like a heckuva roller-coaster ride. I had immense fun, but I'm glad it's over and hell or high-water or Elizabeth Hurley, for that matter, wouldn't make me want to do it again.

Does Caitlin Roran ring a bell?

If you have used Gmail Caitlin Roran should seem familiar. If you don't use gmail, you have no clue what you're missing. Anyway. Caitlin Roran is the person who appears on the cell-phone image on the left hand corner of the gmail page. Someone wrote a wikipedia article about her(?), but it was deleted. An awesome read.

"Caitlin Roran is a fictional character (or advertising character) devised as part of a Google advertising campaign. The ad was created to promote Google's Gmail service and its availability via mobile phone. Caitlin's name appears as having sent the second email from the top dated September 13 regarding a surprise party.

The surname Roran seems extremely rare in the United States and may be nonexistent outside this ad.

However the ad has been seen by enough Gmail subscribers that a Google search for the name will turn up at least one Web site dedicated to keeping track of these searches.

Caitlin's e-mail appears in bold typeface, and is thus yet to be opened by the owner of the phone. The email at the top of the phone's display, from Buck regarding a recent trip to Hawaii, is also bold and thus unread. Buck's message also appears to have a file (or files) attached (presumably pictures from Hawaii, but possibly some other type of file).

It has been suggested that Caitlin does not represent a real person but is a name attached to a spam message. Buck's message is under similar suspicion. The messages from Susan (third position from the top) and Nathan (fourth from the top) seem less likely to be spam, as their subject headings are less typical of computer-generated spam subject headings.

It's not clear if the recipient of Caitlin's email is the organizer of the "surprise party" or is one of the guests. It is also possible that the recipient is the party's honoree and is being informed of the secret plans -- though, for what purpose is unclear.

According to one theory, Nathan, whose name appears next to the message "BBQ on Saturday," is the party planner and the party is to honor Buck, the author of the simulated email about having just gotten back from Hawaii. The owner of the phone possibly is Buck's best friend and the boyfriend of Susan, who is trying to make plans to have sushi.

If the owner of the phone is female, however, the sushi plan suggestion is more difficult to interpret.

Another question that has been raised about this ad is whether the "BBQ on Saturday" might happen to be on the same day as the "Surprise party." No day of the week is given for the surprise party, giving rise to the possibility that Caitlin's and Nathan's mutual friend (the owner of the phone) could have a conflict between the two events. Of course, even if they were on the same day, they could be at different times, which would solve the problem.

It's also noted that the owner of the phone responded to Buck's e-mail about his return from Hawaii and to Susan's message about plans for sushi but ignored the messages about the BBQ and the surprise party. One could assume that the latter two messages were sent to a mass list of guests and did not require responses. Or perhaps the person has not responded to either message because both events are scheduled for the same time (presumably in the afternoon of September 16, 2006) and the person has not decided which one to attend.

The interface shows only two unread messages, a sign that the phone belongs to a person who has recently signed up for Gmail.

Judging by the content of the messages, the owner of the phone is likely between 20 and 40 years old and has at least a moderate amount of disposable income and leisure time. There is no evidence that the person is employed or has any interests other than planning events.

Judging by the month (September), the event (BBQ), and Buck's travel destination (Hawaii), the owner of the phone likely lives in Southern California, where an email advertising a fall bar-b-que would be so ordinary as to merit no response.

The tentative nature of the sushi plans with Susan also suggests that Susan is likely the significant other or close friend of the phone's owner, or at least someone with whom the phone owner socializes frequently enough to make spontaneous plan making possible.

Of Late

I sometimes work Sundays. I'm a college student and I'm poor. Yeah.
So on Sundays, I come to work directly after church. That means that I'm usually unlike my sloppy peers because I'm wearing my Sunday best.

This Sunday, it was about 10°F (which for you metric junkies is a balmy -12°C ) outside with winds even lower. And about the time that my work got over, my cousin called and told me that he was running late by about an hour. The building would be closed promptly at six. I'd die of hypothermia if I chose to stand out.
My options:
The Mall- I'll have to walk for about 20 minutes which is really not worth it. And I'll end up buying something I don't really need.
The train station and then to my home. As an option it seems quite good. But again, it was a thirty minute walk to home.
It was then that I noticed the fancy restaurant across the street.
Okay, honestly, I didn't think this much. As soon as I hung up. I looked both ways, like my mom always told me to do, and crossed the street.
I just intended to stand in the entrance. So I could see my cousin and not become an overcoat-wearing popsicle. As soon as I entered, this waitress opened this door for me and asked me whether I had a reservation.
"No" I replied honestly
"That's alright", She continued, "Where would you like to be seated?"
"By the window"
"Alright, here we go"
She handed me a fancy napkin rolled over a fork and knife. I took it and thanked her.
About five minutes later, this asian waiter comes up to me and says;
"Good evening sir! Would you like any drinks? Or are you waiting for someone?"
"Yes I'm waiting" I said
"No problem, please ask for Ron whenever you're ready to order."
"Alright"
I called my cousin and told him to call me when he's about five minutes away.
Meanwhile, I sit there, staring at all the couples eating, counting the fancy bulbs on the chandelier, staring at the rich carpet and just plain waiting.
Twenty minutes later, Ron comes up to me again and asks whether I'd like to order anything. I repeat myself and say that I'm waiting for someone.
He gives me a glass of water, unasked. I get a new thing to play with. The condensation on the outside of the glass is fascinating... really.

Finally my phone rings. I answer it and start walking towards the door.
Ideally, I'd have loved if no one saw me leaving. But, well considering Murphy's Law, someone just had to. Ron greeted me and asked whether I was leaving.
"Yes," I said "she stood me up."
"Oh, I'm so sorry."
"It's all right. It had to happen I guess."
I had to try very hard to maintain the straight face. I cross the road, jump into my cousin's car and burst out laughing.
My cousin looks at me quizzically.
"I had a date" I explain.

An Update...

..on the romance situation.
Again borrowing from xkcd, I found this strip. (If you don't get the humor, 'userdel' is a Linux command to totally delete a user and all the associated files from a computer).
I did something similar today by deleting all the messages and emails and numbers and memorabilia that belonged or in any way reminded me of her.
I had called her yesterday to tell her that I'm totally over her (and also to give her a piece of my mind). But couldn't because just when she said hello, my cousin walked into the room. (I could've just walked out but I was lying, covered in blankets and didn't feel like moving.) Furthermore, she was at some lame party or something, not the ideal situation to be talking of mismatched goals.
Anyway, we hope this is the end. There is of course a non-zero probability that we might meet again (the world is round after all). But discounting that... we hope this is the end.
P.S: Please click on the image to see it clearly.

The trouble with Wikipedia

XKCD is my favorite web-comic of all times. It's funny, ultra-geeky and super-snobbish at the same time. For example, its disclaimer reads as follows:

"Warning: this comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)."
For example, today's comic was titled "The Trouble with Wikipedia". It is awesome.
Image url:

Colbert nailing Bollywood.

Regular readers may know how much I heart Colbert. If you don't then I'd just say that it I heart Colbert in fangirl-ish proportions. I must admit that the only time I question my sexuality is while watching his shows. Of course except each time I hear Al Pacino's voice, or Dr Cox's rants or see Orlando Bloom half naked ahem, ahem. Enough said.
Recently Colbert started a new section called "We the MEdiator" (sic). Where he picks up celebrity squabbles and decides who should win. I was really delighted when he picked up on Bollywood this past week (Jan 10).

Later that week, he revisits the feud and flips his decision. Still worth a watch.

He has absolutely no idea what he's talking about. Which makes it all the more funnier. His perennial serious expression makes me wanna do the unmentionables.

A post, an excuse and a reason.

Yeah, yeah. I know... boo.
I said that I wanted to post every single weekday because that was my new year resolution and I wanted to hit the ground running when the new year started. Unfortunately, I couldn't do that because well... that's what this post is about.
You might remember this girl whom I went to meet three states away, which finally turned into a disaster. We had put the whole relationship thing behind us, basically. We were good friends before, and we could certainly remain good friends in the future, right?
Wrong.
Apparently, I was forgetting one of my own favorite quotes- "Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship -never." (Charles Caleb Colton)
We still talked (not for 3000 minutes anymore, but still), and refused to bring up the 'what-might-have-been'.
A friend suggested that I must stop talking to her. But I really couldn't do that. This girl has been my friend ever since I came to the US. We used to talk for 5 or more hours on average, daily; over the Internet. I had never seen her before, but hell, she knew more about me than many of my closest relatives did. Point is, I really couldn't afford to stop talking with her.
But the relationship is still off limits. And I really didn't want to act like a jerk and bring it back up like all those ex-husbands do. One thing I've learnt from life is that- 'a woman's no is a no'. And also 'trust a woman to be as unpredictable as possible".
So, one night I call her, nothing out of the ordinary. It's just eight, so there was no way in hell she would be sleeping now (it was just not her nature). It turns out, she was sleeping- taking a nap. I decided to hang-up, but she insisted that she was fine and that we could talk.
So, since she was sleeping, and mostly sleepy, I decided to apologize for one thing that I had done right after the relationship had ended. Which, of course brought us to the topic of relationships again .
It was then she said that, she (still) had feelings for me.
"Dude, you're sure you're not making a serious mistake?" I ask
I'm absolutely sure that she's mistaken me for someone else. Because this can't be possible... this same girl has dumped me thrice before. Never giving a reason.
She continues to talk, but I don't understand most of what she's talking about, as she's mumbling. So I told her to think carefully and bade her goodnight.
Next morning, when we talked, she asked whether I had called yesterday. I said yes. Then she asked me what we were talking about, because she couldn't remember a thing. I say, I don't either because you were sleepy and just mumbling on the phone. You might've been cursing me for all I know.
The whole relationship thing never came up again. My theory was right after all.
Then she went on vacation with her brother. She had a lot of fun and we didn't speak that often. I called her on her birthday. Her brother picked up the phone. Her brother hates me, by the way, because I spent 3 days with his sister, alone and unsupervised (and in case you're wondering, no, we didn't do the unmentionables).
The brother and I were coldly civil to each other on the phone. He tells me that he'll tell her to return the call. She doesn't. I call her the next night and she says that her brother suggested that we should stop talking now. I ask her whether it was something she wants to do too. She tries to act all democratic and in turn asks me whether I want to do it. I discern that she does want me to say yes... and so I did.
Now, you'd think that it's easy to stop talking to a person. But this was one person with whom I'd shared so much. Everything reminded me of her.
Snow, coffee, ice-skating (she skates amazingly, I barely plod along), basketball (again, she's the basketball player), math (she). Two of the movies I watched were located in Michigan (where she goes to school). Hell, I'm writing this post in Jdarkroom (to write with the minimum of distractions) which has a color scheme of green and black- her favorite combo (a screenshot ).
So the point is (finally) that I was totally unable to concentrate on anything for the last 2 weeks. Good thing it was also the vacation.

PS: And B Dear, if you ever read this and find something wrong, it's because some details are hazy (you'd call that an improvement.) You still are the most beautiful person I've ever met.

Reasons to love new york

I just found this piece detailing various reasons to love New York. I love all of them especially the fact that people are so packed together that voyeurism can be done at any time anyplace.Lovely

Christmas Morning Post

'Tis Christmas morning.
What I could leave you with is today.
I can't think of anything better than this video

Okay people... You know what to do.

Today is Global Orgasm Day (link is moderately safe for work and dignity). Go ahead. It's for a good cause. No really.

Exams are over.

Exams are over.
A semester is over.
Time to write a post.
Rather, why don't I start a series of posts. These will be called "The Finale Series", where I will be writing about all the things that happened during this semester which I didn't find time to write about. I will also be writing about things that might happen to me in my present life. I plan to update this every week day. So let's hope I succeed. Boo, if I don't.

Pfffft

Pfffft that's right. That's the noise soccer balls make when you remove the air from them. All I can say is that the whole journey thing was a disappointment.

"There was no chemistry" she said, which when translated into understandable English means that she didn't find me attractive. Sigh, no I won't complain. I won't wallow in self-pity. From what OJ said to me, when I told her about the whole thing, was that I had gotten off easy. She had expected this. Truly speaking, I got over it completely, only after listening to her. Boy, I really was lucky.

The entire thing can be divided into three stages and was alarmingly like a combination of a James Joyce short story and Bollywood:

First stage- Shock

I got off the bus. We both were on the phone, actually looking forward to meeting each other (gasp). After a little bit of mis-communication we actually saw one another across the street. It wasn't New York, but it was surprisingly similar. Crosswalk. Random people all around. The red hand that commanded us to stop where we were.Both of us on the phone on either side of the street- both of us perhaps wondering, "Gosh, that face doesn't go with the voice". Finally the white man, beckoning us to cross. I did. She hugged me, more because she felt she had to, rather than an overwhelming feeling to hug. I went along. Imagine my predicament. I had been on the bus and seedy bus stations for the past 16 hours; deprived of sleep and proper nourishment ( I refuse to count Burger King as being nourishment at all) and she squeezes the heart out of me. Well, it was expected- a hug, typical Bollywood style. Notice that I emphasize Bollywood, only because she hates it. How could she? I know.

We try to strike conversation... we fail miserably. As I had divined, we were subconsciously looking for the green button (the one that signals that the other person is online on gtalk) and felt uneasy in the real world. Or maybe it is because of my apparent lack of any sort of social skills. We amble along while I slovenly try to manage my bag. I was giving the wrong signals from the very beginning.

Second stage- getting used to

We reached her dorm. I started messing her room in my own creative way. I suppose she didn't like that. I imagine she tried looking for things to like in me, but failed.

"Gosh he's not as tall as I'd like him to be, but at least he's thin."

"His hair is messy, why doesn't he ever comb it? I hope he takes regular baths at least."

"But he's too thin... golly, I quit."

I must confess that I too was thinking something on the same lines but wouldn't dare confess them, as she reads this blog too. However, I tried my best to suppress them. I was lying to myself. I wanted this to happen. I had invested a lot of time and money into this... this couldn't couldn't go down the drain.

Third stage- rejection

Finally, on the second day she gave me the pink slip (she hates pink, by the way, trying to be unique, I guess). We swore to remain friends. I must say that we had maximum fun only after the relationship part was done with. We went for a movie- 'The Fountain'. We didn't quite understand most of it, but we were totally amazed by it. Aronofsky's mind is a beauty spot. And the entire night we were just frolicking and having a good time.

I must say that we did have fun.

We had coffee together on the last day. Espressos. She knows that I wasn't the right person for her, I now know for sure (with the help of OJ of course) that she wasn't the right person for me. But we shall remain friends. But I must confess it still hurts at times. And when it does I sing my favorite "rejection song".

Burt Bacharach / Elvis Costello Lyrics - I'll Never Fall in Love Again Lyrics

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What do you get when you fall in love?
A diamond pin to burst your bubble
That's what you get for all your trouble
I'll never fall in love again
I'll never fall in love again

What do you get when you kiss a girl
You get enough germs to catch pneumonia
After you do, she'll never phone you
I'll never fall in love again
I'll never fall in love again

Don't tell me what it's all about
'Cause I've been there and I'm glad I'm out
Out of those chains those chains that bind you
That is why I'm here to remind you

What do you get when you give your heart
You get it all broken up and battered
That's what you get, a heart that's shattered
I'll never fall in love again
I'll never fall in love again

Out of those chains those chains that bind you
That is why I'm here to remind you

What do you get when you fall in love?
You only get lies and pain and sorrow
So for at least until tomorrow
I'll never fall in love again
I'll never fall in love again

I'll never fall in love again
I'll never fall in love again

And I repeat... at least until tomorrow. God we're like moths.

Edit: Just in case my immense fan-following missed these comments by my ex-luscious-lovely

Bhavya:
lol..my dear dear (friend) Nitin. count on me to avoid cliches. unfortunately a woman's "no" really is a no. i mean, i even asked your magic 8 ball, and the answer to the question was "my sources say no"... all the signs...im eagerly awaiting your next post, infact, id like to propose inserting my email adress in it. just in case your friends want to send me some delicious hate mail. and hun, be nice to me.
and
Bhavya:
oh. and i couldnt resist.
dint i give you a new understanding of the word "dulcet"? lol.. we have inside jokes.

I have no comments to make... except to say that when I checked my magic-8 ball (who's called Joey by the way, and helps to make all my life and death decisions) he said "my sources say no" to me too. He's right and he's verifiable.