It was a strange sort of relationship. Long distance. But not exactly an open relationship because, well, we didn't try to date other people during it; at least I didn't- was having enough trouble maintaining this one. So, we called it the "No titles, non derivative," relationship, released of course in the Beta phase (exactly like our dear role model- Google). It was designed in such a way that both of us try it and come off it anytime we liked. But were we, or rather, was I emotionally detached?
I wish.
But I was almost prepared for it, in a way that I wasn't for my previous relationships, okay, relationship. Largely due to this epiphany I had while talking to a friend. (I've had too few... epiphanies I mean, not friends)
He had just split up with someone and feeling very suicidal; into drugs and alcohol and all that good stuff. He had to be hospitalized. I met him there.
"God. I cannot sleep." he said "Like when I close my eyes I see her"
"I can relate." I say "But do you think she thinks of you ever? Has she even called since you've been here?"
"um no"
"Why then should you do it?"
"She must be busy or something." He said (Phew these people)
"Listen mate. You were going to kill yourself for her. If she's too busy to care, I think you should rethink your priorities. "
I am a natural therapist. People just come up to me and start telling me their troubles. And I give them excellent advice. Only problem. I don't follow them myself. This time I listened to what I was saying. Wait, all this is familar. I have been there. Not to the extent of killing myself, certainly. But taking myself too seriously in this relationship that wasn't headed anywhere- from the very beginning. Yep that's me.
She's an excellent person and great fun to be with. However I treasure her more as a friend than a ... yeah I'm rationalizing.
I still to grapple with the why question though. The excuse reason that she gave me was just too frivolous and lame. The previous day I had talked to her on the phone; something we do rarely. Maybe I turned out to be too stupid for her. Or maybe it was my penchant for knock-knock jokes. Perhaps I shared too many of them. Or maybe it was my guitar playing, it must've been too cheesy for her. Or perhaps it was the fact that she's going to this über-cool American University (albeit not very close to me), and she didn't want a long-distance relationship lugging her when she could be meeting other über-cool guys. What I'm trying to understand is of course the meaning of it all and I've subscribed to a half-baked notion that is a combination of all the above factors. Healing is on its way.
I'm like the guy who always comes before the perfect guy (*hint* *hint*). So I hope she'll be happy with Him. Oh, wait. That is the point of the perfect guy right? I hope He will be happy with her... which is more doubtful. (Tongue firmly in cheek)
3 comments:
Wow. Romance, alcohol, hospitals, this is like the O.C.! :)
Anyway, I'm glad you're dealing with this whole romance thing so well. I'm not very experienced myself, but apparently, it can hurt. But you seem to be OK.
Is OJ married?
I think The Beatles are everyone's guides to all things amoristic. Who knows, maybe the next girl you meet might be your perfect girl, you'll never know until you wait.
Anyways, if I were you, I'd settle for OJ too :)
Oh baby... my heart ached for you while reading this, even though all of this happened about four years ago. It's okay that you were a little bitter back then. I'd be more concerned if you weren't.
In a way, I must thank her for everything she has ever done for you because whether it was sweet or bitter, it's apart of what makes you the man I adore today.
I love you and I hope I can always love you enough. An imperfect fragile, and frail human being who will always be perfect for me. I wonder if you'll ever see this post :)
P.S. I must agree with Panacea (about the next girl you meet and not OJ)
Post a Comment